Lived in Japan for 8 Years — Why Our Family Decided to Leave

First of all, it wasn’t because of visas — I got permanent residency in my third year, and my wife is Japanese.

A lot of people ask me: Japan is so safe and convenient, why would you leave?

Japan does have many things worth missing. I lived here for eight years, and I’m not saying Japan is bad — it’s just that for our family, some things became increasingly unsuitable.

I want to share our honest thoughts — just a personal experience.

1. Japan Isn’t as Free as You’d Think

Japan is highly developed, but the country is small, densely populated, with frequent natural disasters, and everyone is used to “reading the air.” Many things come with invisible restrictions.

For example:

• You need proof of a parking spot before buying a car. You can’t install your own EV charger in an apartment. Some parking lots don’t welcome “foreign cars,” and some car washes even refuse to wash Teslas. FSD is of course unavailable (there’s hope this year though)
• Tokyo sidewalks are narrow — walking side by side with someone is a struggle, and you’re competing with bicycles
• Even if you have a yard in a detached house, you can’t freely BBQ — you have to check if the neighbor is hanging laundry, because smoke drifting over will earn you dirty looks
• I recently saw a video of someone who bought a meat bun at a shinkansen station and ate it on the train — they got criticized. Eating a bento is fine, but a meat bun? Not okay
• Wearing yoga pants or couples being slightly affectionate on the subway will definitely get you stared at like you’re a weirdo

When riding an elevator, the person standing by the buttons usually holds the door open for everyone and exits last — I think that’s very polite. But even in newer elevators with sensors that won’t close on anyone, I’ve observed that nearly all Japanese people still press and hold the open button, waiting for everyone else to exit first.

I believe some of them know it’s not necessary, but in a society with these “rules,” you need to do it to show you’re someone who understands the “rules.”

Sure, you might say — can’t I just not do it? I’m a foreigner, I can’t “read the air,” is that OK? If you’re a tourist, of course. But if you’re living here long-term, read on.

2. Japan Is Not a Typical Immigration Country

A homogeneous nation with a uniform culture — the expectation for immigrants is “complete assimilation”: speak good Japanese, follow the rules, read the air.

My wife is Japanese, so she has no issues. But for me to live comfortably, I also had to assimilate — that’s the only way Japanese people would accept me. I tried — I’ve always used a “common name” (通称名) in Japan — but eventually realized that complete assimilation is impossible, and the effort was exhausting.

Not being an immigration country also means limited food diversity. I won’t deny that Japanese food is great, but it’s monotonous. No matter where you go, the food is pretty much the same — heavy on carbs, light on protein, limited variety of vegetables and fruits. Immigration countries are far more diverse, with cuisines from around the world offering much more choice.

3. Education Concerns

Japanese society loves everyone being “the same.” During job-hunting season, you can see intersections filled with a sea of graduates in identical black suits — the system wants everyone to follow the standard path and be a reliable cog in the machine.

If you follow this path (being a worker bee), society gives you all sorts of safety nets — you won’t get laid off, you get zero-down-payment low-interest loans. But if you deviate — skip the corporate job, start a business, or invest — sorry, forget about loans. You might not even be able to rent an apartment.

We don’t have kids yet, but we don’t want our future children growing up in a society like this.

4. Money Isn’t as Useful in Japan

Tourists visiting Japan must feel that money goes incredibly far — high-quality food and service at very low prices. True — Japan is great for tourism.

But after living here for years, my experience is that Japan is very focused on so-called “equality.” There’s almost no valet parking in Japan. At USJ or Disney, you can’t pay extra to park closer.

A few years ago, I wanted to buy land and build a house. The developer only sold at fixed prices — if multiple people wanted it, they’d draw lots. No bidding allowed. And they didn’t want you buying large plots to build big houses because “you need to consider the neighbors’ feelings.”

Last year I learned to fly in Canada, but it’s completely useless in Japan — you can buy a plane, but there’s nowhere to fly it.

Money is useful in Japan, but not as useful as you’d expect.

5. Not Pet-Friendly

While Japan doesn’t restrict dog ownership like China does, it might actually be harder in practice.

• Restaurants almost never allow dogs — getting an outdoor table is considered lucky
• I’ve never seen an indoor mall that allows dogs (putting them in a stroller where they can’t get out doesn’t count)
• Very few pet-friendly hotels, and 99% only accept dogs under 15kg
• Newer apartments that allow dogs are fairly common now, but almost all have a 15kg limit
• If you want to rent with a dog over 15kg, it’s nearly impossible — everyone I know with a large dog ended up buying a house just for the dog

6. Tax Issues

For high earners, Japan’s effective tax rate is actually very high — and the threshold for “high income” is quite low. In Japan, 10 million yen annual income is considered high income. In California, that would be low income.

The 10% consumption tax is similar to New York or California, but California exempts food from sales tax, while Japan charges 8%.

Inheritance tax and gift tax are also very high in Japan.

The exit tax (国外転出時課税) is also a major reason influencing my decision to leave now — I won’t go into detail, but you can look up the specific regulations if interested.

That’s what I can think of for now. I’ll add more below if anything comes to mind.

Thanks for reading this far — I hope it’s helpful. Discussion is welcome, but please don’t be combative. If you want to argue, you win. I’ll block anyone who’s rude.

Coming up next: why we chose Canada.

Original author: 老沙 (@sxzz) · Original post